Highlights included hanging out with friends I love and never get to see enough of, watching movies - feeling quite at home with all the film-making hookers, walking in the Mission & Castro & taking mass transit all over town.One dude on the #38 Geary Line asked me if I was a movie star and I replied "movie stars don't take the bus." The passengers chuckled. What a joy to be in a city where everyone takes the muni, bart & streetcars. There's no fucked up mass transit class war car as status symbol issues. Everything was perfect except for a slight misunderstanding at the Sex Worker FF Awards- I had been notified via email that I was going to receive an award and much to my disappointment my name was never called at the awards ceremony. Like a wounded adolescent I wanted to drown my sorrows in sex, drugs and rock-n-roll but quite frankly. I just don't have it in me anymore. Ego Shmego. At least I got a chance to watch a couple of my old films on the big screen. I experienced a feeling of detachment about my past work that was really quite frightening.

15 May
Last night I had my first apocalyptic Los Angeles dream. I was awakened from my sleep by the deafening sounds of the earth cracking and splitting. I turned, looked out of my bedroom window and saw a five-story heap of earth, rocks and rubble. Half of the street I live on had disappeared-vanished, been replaced by massive chasms. The sky was clear and blue and Bougainvillea bloomed in the background.
Cut to: a subway tunnel lit by safety lamps. I am a part of a mass exodus of people heading in the direction of Hollywood. I am headed toward Mr. Miller's house to see if he's okay. I am carrying my mother in my arms. There's a pile of toilet paper rolls on a table. People are stealing one roll at a time and concealing the rolls in their clothing. I didn't want any toilet paper.
Cut to: The street I grew up on in the New York City suburbs. My brother's house had been swallowed up by the ground and only a huge gaping hole remained. All of the other houses were perfectly in tact. Another brother and I were headed to my parent's house to check on my dad. I woke up before we got there. BTW-My father has been dead for 5 years and my mother has never been and will never be in Los Angeles.

I grabbed the toy from the kid and said "It's mine I saw it first." For those of you who don't know this, there are kids who wander the thrift shops picking up toys from their appropriate bins and then depositing them in the middle of the men's sportcoats or wherever they happen to be standing when their parents say "Put that down. I'm not buying you that." These kids just create chaos and the end result is that when I am looking for that very special toy I can't find it because it's not in its proper place. Theresa said that I must be one of those people who steal Lollipops from children when their parents aren't looking. Really I'm not that mean. Besides I don't like candy.
Perhaps children remind me that I am a 'grown-up' and I was such a 'grown-up kid' that I don't want to be reminded that I've got the timeline all wrong. While embarking on a bit of preliminary research for the text that will accompany my new body of art work The Spark's "Inner Child Test" caught my eye and of course provided the perfect pop culture diversion to serious academic writing. I'm a PSDC which stands for Perverse Spoiled Dysfunctional Child Pretty Accurate Test eh?

5 May
It's 3AM, I'm depressed and can't sleep. Rather than go on and on with the mundane details of my mini-depression, I will share with you BOOK 1 of the "WORST YEAR OF MY LIFE" journal. It begins on my birthday in 1997. I was in my last year of film school and living in a trailer park in Newhall CA (about 25 miles north of Los Angeles) Reading this journal always cheers me up because dude I can change the here and now and it can't ever get no worse than the past. Stay tuned for book 2 to follow shortly.

21 April
While most wholesome Christian families were celebrating Easter with chocolate bunnies and spiral cut ham, Andy & were getting trashed on red wine and champagne at the Downtown Standard. Not that either of us is really wholesome or Christian BTW.
So the crowd at the standard has changed since the last time I was there when it first opened - a bit older, less fabu with their looks though more fabu with their vitaes & yes of course I did bump into a few people I knew there- Eric, who's got a new movie about a golf course in Barstow, Catherine, Karin & their Euro art friends who are here for either an art exhibit, Coachella or possibly both.
I'm paraphrasing from a cabernet muck of memory. So don't quote me if I've gotten some of the details slightly wrong.
So anyway I knew it was way past the time to go when Andy & I were pretending to be a swinging couple looking for some action. Our victims were some hideous hetero Westside pair in matching Hanes t-shirts…. Although we're always coy when were playing this sort of drunken game, the couple caught on & fled. Oops did someone say rim job?
… so shortly after we fled too - though I'm not sure exactly why-perhaps Andy's card was maxxed out?ååß
We barely landed at babyhans with Andy's car expertly parked in the center of the sidewalk. (fuck all those nightclub patrons stealing our parking spaces) well that is until Mr. Miller showed up and said that the car was a red flag and that we would be arrested .. Andy not wanted to play bad boy bottom moved it and shortly thereafter the drug dealer showed up though I have no idea how the fuck he knew where I lived.
I got nervous because cocaine does not agree with my delicate system and I didn't want to be tempted… so after some friendly conversation I threw them all out so I could have some dinner. I think perhaps I was scheduled to have a date with Mr. Miller but indeed I passed out instead.

17 April
Theresa & I have started a little business making hipster stuffed toys. I'm feeling a bit ambivalent about the whole thing because I'm too smart to make stupid stuffed animals even though the last thing I sold in a gallery happened to be a handcrafted stuffed toy... and 18 years ago before I read seminal texts & spent $100,000 on private art school I used to do production & design work for 2 women who had a giftware business. And I was good. So now Theresa & I have become those dreaded middle aged women from my past. Except that they owned homes in the Hamptons and Theresa & I are both broke. Even more depressing. I think I need to go back home soon. LA has poisoned me. Even if my boyfriend is from Europe and I have lovely memories of a cosmopolitan NYC past I still feel like I've been trapped in middle America forever.
So here's a sample of the little creatures. I should have the full site completed soon. As soon as I find a sweat shop to sew them I'm abandoning my labor position (though holding on to my CEO status & shares of course)

14 April
One of my paintings appears in a Television Pilot and I receive a commission. This is a good thing and I am feeling inspired. It's raining in Los Angeles which is strange for April- feels like East Coast weather. So am I really that affected by the weather? No not really -it's just a good excuse to not leave the house- well that is unless I have to pick up a commission check for one of paintings that appears in a television pilot. The show is as of yet "untitled." When I find out the name of the show I'll let you know.
BTW- if you want to put any of my art in a movie, tv show, commercial or rock video please contact my agent for details. You have to license the image, so even if you own one of my paintings/drawings you can't just put it in your movie without my permission which I may or may not be able to give you without consulting with my agent first. Some of my paintings contain appropriated images & copyrighted texts which I do not own the rights to. For example, it's okay for me to make a painting using WINNIE THE POOH and you can hang that painting in your home, but you cannot put that painting in your movie. Appropriation may be okay in the art world (well unless you're like Jeff Koons) but it's a big no-no in the entertainment biz. Check out this site if you want to know more about art laws.

31 March
My ear infection got the best of me last week and I was pretty miserable. Have you ever tried to take a picture of the top of your own ear? After numerous attempts, this is as close to focus as I could get. I have a congenital sebaceous cyst and from time to time it gets infected. After a week on antibiotics my ear has finally stopped oozing though I still have a lump inside my head. Having no job & no health insurance sucks and I had to pay $70. to get all fixed up. And that money was supposed to be for my $300 cell phone bill... BTW I'm seriously looking for a job. Please hire me.